I have too much going on in my head these days. I am in the mode of feeling like I can't do anything right and that I am a failure on so many levels. I am trying to listen to God's word and to remember what He says about me and what His promises are but sometimes outside voices and opinions get the best of me. UGH.

I just signed up for another 5K. It is for this coming up Monday, which is July 4th. This will be exactly a year from when I did my first 5K. I am completely certain that I will be beating my time of my first race. I am still not the fastest runner on the block but I have come a long ways.. thank goodness. My whole motto is- just stay steady and slow and do whatever you have to do to not walk! Which brings me to another point... I ran this race with a friend of mine named Katie. She is a girl whom I met while working a few hours at a daycare. We started talking and then became friends and she soon started come to church where I had been attending. We would often meet for dinner- always at the mall for some Chinese and we even went together to get our noses pierced. She even watched my girls for me one night so that Joel and I could attend a Trader Joe's party. That was a huge favor to ask and I am so thankful she was able to do that for me. She has a huge heart. She is madly in love with her husband and her Jesus. I am writing this tonight super sad for her and her husband. After being so excited to finally become pregnant, they delivered their sweet baby girl yesterday but because of news already given by the docs months ago, they knew sweet baby girl would only live a short time. She passed away after just 45 minutes. I can't imagine the pain they must feel. I don't get why these kinds of things have to happen. It is so painfully heartbreaking. So even though Katie and Josh may likely never read this, I want them to know how amazing I think they are and that I admire their strength, their courage, their commitment and love to each other, and I without a doubt know that they will make it through this sad time stronger and more dependent upon Jesus and the strength only He can give. Katie, you are a sweet friend. You are going to encourage many people through the years because of walking through this. You will be used in great ways to show God's love and grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxoxo

Thankful...... *my word for the year*

Nevaeh finally finished her math today! So thankful for a break coming our way. Jesslyn has just a few lessons left in her reading and then after that it is time to just have some fun!

So I have been thinking a lot this week. I am thankful for so much. I know I have said this many many times before, but I am so thankful to be by my family. The last few days I have spent time with some dear friends of mine who I count as family. They have always been there for me and truly love me and my family. They give me good advice and are always around for some good laughs and memories. I am thankful for them and thankful that my girls can be around them too. It means the world to me.

Tomorrow is our 12th anniversary. 12 years... beating the odds and making it through many good times and also some bad. I look back on the 12 years and they have been far from perfect, but they have been good. I am a better person today and have learned so much about Jesus through my marriage. I pray that I will take each and every day in this 12th year and make it an opportunity to be the best I can be as a wife and mother. To love better than I ever have and to grow into the person that Christ has called me to become. Our friends wrote a song for us and sang it at our wedding and the words could not be more perfect- through the good and the bad, we'll always make it through cause I know God sent me to you.
I am thankful.. oh so thankful. Thankful for God's hand and God's grace upon my marriage. Thankful we have not been another statistic. Thankful that my kids can go to bed with a daddy around. Thankful... thankful.... thankful. I think that is my word of the year. I am truly THANKFUL.


On a side note- Nevaeh and Jesslyn can each successfully make it all the way across on the monkey bars at the park. This is a big deal and they are pretty proud of it!

The day started out great.. a three mile run at a new place I have not ran yet. (it is so nice to change it up!) and then a Dutch Bros coffee .... mmmmm... and then a great chat with Joel. He is off today and we had a great talk.. just talking about things and life which is what every couple should do and do often. Even though we may not always see eye to eye, it is so good to hear each other out and to talk to each other about important things. Today I am beyond thankful for this.

So, now I am in the midst of school work with the kids.. just a few days left!! yay! My dad is getting off this afternoon and keeping the girls for the rest of the day so that Joel and I can head to Portland. We are meeting up with a friend.. looking forward to it. Can I just say again, I am SO thankful to live by family and to live by family who cares about spending time with my girls. Makes my heart so happy! Everyone wins!

Cha Ching!

Some things literally make me so CRAZY irritated!

On another note, I went in to get my oil changed today. Sign outside Jiffy Lube said Oil Change $19.99... and I walked out the door spending almost $200. WHAT?! I do have to say though, that place is great. Those men treat ladies so nice. I had every door opened for me and had about three of them helping me out and explaining things to me... that right there might just be worth the money :) It also is nice to drive out knowing that my car is good to go! I love my car and hope to drive it forever!

"the talk" or at least one of them....

I am not sure what inspired this.. maybe the zits on my face reminding me of puberty or what but I randomly and spontaneously gave Nevaeh the speech today about what happens to her body as she gets older. Jesslyn was in the room too and we talked about all kinds of things. They giggled and got grossed out a few times but I told them over and over again what an amazing thing that God has done by making their bodies perfect and to work properly for all the important reasons- the main one being that someday they will get to be mommies too. They handled it so well and Nevaeh does not even seem freaked out at all. I assured her that I want her to be able to come to me with questions and concerns and I hope that line of communication will always be open so that she feels that she can come to me. I am not sure what Jesslyn thought of the conversation but at one point she said that she did not want to be a mommy because she heard it hurts. ;) So, I am honestly glad that we had that talk.. now we have the other important "talk" to give. I know it needs to happen soon. All of those whom I trust have been saying to tell your kids about sex around the age of ten... Nevaeh will be ten in two weeks. I guess the talk needs to happen soon. I do know one thing, we are going to be a family that talks about things.. this is for sure. I can't stand to see families ignoring the obvious or sweeping things under the rug or just plain keeping the talk on such a shallow level. I am determined that our house will be filled with constant conversation- talking about things that matter and not just who won the NBA championship. There are much more important things in life to talk about :)

I woke up this morning to two huge zits on my face.. what am I ... 13 again! ouch.

So, we have 5 more lessons of math to get thru and we are done for summer. Jesslyn has a few lessons left in her reading program but then we are good to go. It is so cute to see her read. She is doing well and loves it. Thank goodness since Nevaeh hated it more than anything in life! Not sure how we will spend our days once school is over. Probably many many many trips to the park and hopefully a few bigger trips in between. I am hoping to take them to the beach for a few days at least. They are pretty easy and happy with the little things though so that is good :)

On another note, I have found a coffee place I adore more than Starbucks. Not that Starbucks was ever really much to shout about for me but I have been hitting Dutch Bros instead. I do not get myself a coffee very often, in fact my coffee drinking has been cut way down lately due to me feeling the need to seriously cut down my caffeine intake. I order the Kicker drink which has Irish Creme in it. SO yummy and the prices beat Starbucks. :)

Time to go now... we must power out some of these math lessons. We are doing fractions.. renaming, reducing, and what ever else you do with fractions. I am thankful that it all comes really naturally to Nevaeh. She often gets the answer before I am even done explaining it. Yay for me!

I want so badly to take a trip. A fun trip.. I wish we had a trip to Sunriver planned.. Actually, speaking of wishes I have many wishes. Many. I would also love to take the kids back to Disneyland and am hoping to do that in the next few years again. I feel as though we do not take enough fun trips and I wish we did. Our trips always were coming out to visit WA so now that we are out here I am hoping we can plan some fun trips. Hawaii? :)

We have just a few lessons left and our school year will take a break! I am looking forward to it and so are the kids of course. Nevaeh wanted to do 5 math lessons each day so she can just be done! I don't think we will be doing that but I am thinking that a couple a day might be possible. I am not sure what the summer will hold other than making sure we keep reading. I am hoping for many days out in the boat... it is one of my favorite things.

So my training to run a half marathon is going well. It is so weird that 3 miles now is my "short distance" run. Who would have ever thought? Not me!

Interesting week indeed. I have many things I am praying about and have many promises I believe I am going to see come to pass. Hopefully sooner than later. My heart is hopeful and full of joy that can only come from one place. Thank you Jesus for your hope, your unfailing love, and for loving me even though you knew me.