We went to the Independence, KY Memorial Day parade today. It was great. The kids got candy and I got to get all emotional about those who served or do serve our country to keep us safe. I found myself fighting tears the entire time...... so thankful... so so thankful for those who serve and have served. What an amazing thing. I am so thankful my family taught be to respect this country and this day... to have it really truly mean something to me. It truly does. My grandma Betty loved America, the flag, and all the holidays that bring recognition to it. I want my girls to love this country and to love freedom. Sometimes it is hard to remember or to imagine what life would be like if these brave men and women had not done what they have done for us.

Summer holidays depress me.

I have learned a lot about myself in the past few days. I hate looking back on things and situations and feeling like I should have known better or should have guarded myself better.... but I do know that from these times, much can be learned. I learned what true friendship really is and should be. I have learned how I am a good friend and also how I am an awful friend. I need to love people more. Especially those people who are not really on the top of my list to try and love. I want friendships that are true. Not shallow. I want to use wisdom in what I say. I have felt this week the pain of looking from the outside in. Wanting to be a part of something but knowing there is no way I can or ever really truly will be a part. I now know how many others feel. None of this may makes sense to you who are reading this, but it makes perfect sense to me. I have been a bit of a fool. I hate that. It makes me angry. Now I need to learn from this. I am in the process of learning those lessons but have been more to walk through.

Did I mention how badly I am ready to move? :)

I am so ready for change. SO ready.

I am currently waiting for dinner to be done. Trying two new recipes. Pineapple salsa chicken and coconut mango rice. The rice smells amazing.. I hope it tastes as good as it smells.

I am totally mad at myself for not getting up to run this morning. Joel woke me up but it was still dark outside and I think I said to him- "I don't have any reflectors to wear." ummm.... what?!

Oh well, I will work out with Jillian- for them millionth time.

Man, these summer days sure make me miss my family. I dream every day of Sunriver and of being on my dad's boat on Mayfield Lake.... too bad this hot KY weather is not in Longview right now... Although if it was, I would really be wishing I was there. I am a broken record about this..... but no apologies here.

The girls and I finished schoolwork early yesterday and I told them they could spend the afternoon in the sprinkler- I was sitting out on our top deck and they were down below. I heard many laughs and loud giggles which was fun to listen to... but then I hear Jesslyn say she has to go potty- well, two seconds later I see her spreading her legs by the side of the house, peeing. With her swimming suit on and everything.... oh well, at least she did not track wet grass into my house. :) and she took a bath last night so no worries.

RUNNING!!

SO... I have been running! Joel has been waking me up in the early hours of the morning and I have been running! I love it. Well, it is a love hate thing but it does feel oh so painfully good. I tracked how far I have actually been going and I am going 2.2 miles already! I can hardly believe it! I hope to add a little each time... and to really get my endurance up. I am happy that I can do it. I feel strong!

On another note, I think summer is officially here. High 80's all week.. and not much rain in sight anymore. We have had a lot of it this Spring.. but some good storms too so I will not complain. I don't mind the heat but wish we had a boat and a nice cool lake. That would make it a bit more exciting.

I am feeling an overwhelming sense of thankfulness and love today. My kids have been challenging today but I remain thankful for them and am amazed at how awesome being a mom and wife really is. I really want to love my husband and kids in a way that cannot be shaken or broken. It is sometimes easier than others but I really am trying. I have so much to be thankful for. So much.

another rainy day....

I am proud to say, that I ran yesterday... not just to the mailbox... but on an actually run.. a run where my heart was pumping fast, my armpits were sweaty and smelly.. and my face was bright red. It was amazing. It was a misty rainy morning. It felt great. I am not exactly how far I ran, but I do know that my legs are sore this morning... so it must have been somewhat of a workout, right? I really have always wanted to be a runner (insert hysterical laughs here)..... but I seriously do. I don't have the chance to run often, but am now going to take every chance I can get.

On another note- I am one proud mama! Nevaeh was chosen by her gymnastics teacher to move up into a more advance class that meets twice a week. She has kind of hit a wall in her current class and needs more challenging practices... we are still deciding if this is the route we want to take- it is a big commitment. We shall see.

My last post I wrote was about Ecclesiastes. I am now listening to the podcast of this book and already know I am going to learn a lot... I am feeling very much like this--- everything is meaningless.. everything is in vain. Every generation thinks they are the smart one to fix things... to fix all the world's problems. Everything has been tried before. There is no progression... it is all the same. Life is frustrating, hard, and is a crazy maddening circle where nothing is ever perfect and nothing is ever done. So, now that I have depressed you....................

Sorrow is better? What?!

Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
Ecclesiastes 7:3

Thinking a lot about this verse lately. I believe it to be true. My footnotes say - Bereavement, while painful, is a more effective prod to growth in spiritual wisdom and maturity than the elation one feels over a newborn child.- what a statement. Looking back on my life, I understand this completely. Those times that are tough, sad, and awful, are usually the times in our lives that we grow and are stretched the most. I am actually thankful for those times. Thankful to know that sorrow is actually better than a discontented heart. I hope and pray that even when life is hard or things really stink- that my sorrow helps me become better- and that my heart is never discontent.

I actually really love the book of Ecclesiastes. Lots of great stuff in there.

Friiiiday..... doesn't mean anything to us.

I am tired this morning. Very tired. So tired my eyes hurt. I went to bed angry last night (which I try hard not to ever do) but sometimes it just happens. Jesslyn had crawled in bed with me this morning and fell back asleep and was giggling in her sleep. That's a good way to wake up happy. I love it when she does that. It makes me wonder what she was giggling about. What does that child NOT have to giggle about?! :)

So right now the kids are slowly waking up and I am drinking a cup of coffee that is not hot enough. Time to pull an Edna (my mom) and put in the microwave for a bit! The day is just average... going to do some schoolwork then head to gymnastics. That is my alone time.. my time to sit and read.

I miss my family and would like a vacation. Thanks.

Angry.... and OVER it.

I am angry and when I am angry I blog.... stupid, I know. Some things just make me incredibly angry... I was having a great day.. and then SMACK.. once again, the one thing that really angers me happens again. UGH. I don't accept this.. it will not just be my way of life. Sorry. No way. No how. I am over it!

Proverbs

I love the book of Proverbs. I love that it is so practical. It is applicable. It is full of good advice.... I also think it is so strange how often the adulterous woman is mentioned. The strong warning to stay away from her.. how she will destroy your life. It is mentioned throughout this book... and from seeing the destruction this causes first hand, I can understand its importance in scripture. It really does cause massive amounts of destruction. I am thankful for this strong warning.... Proverbs 5:6 says "she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it." One who makes these choices clearly does not look ahead, they do not care about how it may effect their children or their spouses or anyone. It shows the complete selfishness and lack of looking ahead.

Also so much to learn about being a wife... and how to make a home happy. Lots to be learned. Lots of lessons to take away from here.

Proverbs 17:12 Let man meet a she-bear robbed of her cubs rather that a a fool in his folly.
Wow. Strong statement.

The day is nearing the end, kids are fed and relaxing with a cartoon, and I am sitting out on my deck. Listening to some music.... thinking about the west coast. There is nothing like the west coast. I thought a lot about Newport Beach, CA. This is where Joel and I honeymooned. I would give anything right now to take another trip there with him, now after almost 11 years of marriage. Now that we have marriage mostly figured out, and now that life just gets better and better.... it would be a perfect trip.

Jesslyn just had a bug on her shirt. Instead of wiping it away, she spit on it. Nice.

Hillsong - With Everything - With Subtitles/Lyrics

love this song.....

Open our eyes
To see the things that make Your heart cry
To be the church that You would desire
Your light to be seen

Verse 2:
Break down our pride
And all the walls we’ve built up inside
Our earthly crowns and all our desires
We lay at Your feet

Pre-Chorus:
Let hope rise
And darkness tremble
In Your holy light
That every eye will see
Jesus our God
Great and mighty to be praised

Verse 3:
God of all days
Glorious in all of Your ways
Oh the majesty the wonder and grace
In the light of Your Name

Chorus:
With everything
With everything
We will shout for Your glory
With everything
With everything
We will shout forth Your praise

Chorus 2:
Our hearts they cry
Be glorified
Be lifted high above all names
For You our King
With everything
We will shout forth Your praise

I posted the video too.... and have had it on repeat all morning.