I am back..at least for today!

I have not been on here in forever.. Summer kept me busy. It was the best summer I have had in a long time. My girls got to have so much fun... we took the boat out several times and it was just filled with a lot of fun. Now I sit here watching it rain while I have lentil soup on the stove and my apple candle burning :) I love it though. School work is in session and my favorite season is finally here.
I am thankful... we are now in Olympia. Just one short hour from family and just 7 short minutes to Joel's work. So nice! I am excited for what Olympia has for us here and I am trusting and believing that it will be a great place for us to spend some time.

Wisdom...

I have been thinking a lot about wisdom today. I always read a Proverbs a day which has much to say about wisdom. I think we do not value it enough. It is better than riches, its paths lead to peace. We focus so much on success and money and things. What if we regarded wisdom higher than all of this. I pray that I have wisdom. That I will walk in wisdom and gain wisdom as I search His ways and walk in His path. That I will regard it higher than other things. That God will give me wisdom to make good choices as I am a wife and parent.

Vacation!

Vacation is coming to an end. I feel refreshed, renewed and filled up again. My tank is full. My cup runs over. I have many blessings in life and vacation always reminds me of those blessings. Here are just a few things about vacation that I love-

1. Mornings. I usually hate mornings but on vacation- the earlier the better.
2. NO make-up.
3. NO blow drying my hair. Just up in a ponytail every single day. Saves me probably 52 million minutes of my life :)
4. Time does not matter.
5. Worries go to the back of my mind.
6. Good conversation.
7. Lots of random laughs and singing.
8. Games... playing games and learning new ones.
9. SUNSHINE.. coming home with a tan :)
10. No schedule.. you can do whatever whenever.
11. Lots of reading gets done!

Now I must go. It is the last day here and I must make every moment count!

Time to travel or at least dream about it....

Just a few places I want to go and take my kids....

1. Africa- (what a once in a lifetime trip)
2. Florida- to see the awesome beaches... they are much different than the beaches here.
3. Hawaii- I think they would be in awe at the hula dancers ;)
4. Disneyland- already been but would like to make this trip more often ;)
5. Washington DC- can't believe I lived so close and never took them ;(
6. Disneyland- only on the off season and if I had at least ten days ;)
7. New York (maybe I would like to take this trip kid free actually)
8. Newport Beach, CA- took our honeymoon there.. I love it there.

There are many others places I would love to take them... to see the amazing beauty of the world. Guess I better start saving my pennies.

Hillsong - This Is Our God - With Subtitles/Lyrics - HD Version

Love this song.. especially the end. Freely you gave it all for us. Great is the love... this is MY God.

I have been tested lately. Tested to do the right thing even though it SUCKS. Tested to be patient.. waiting... waiting.... ugh. I am hoping and hoping.... and believing and believing.. my heart is heavy and hurt BUT God is faithful and He is constant. I am thankful for hope. I am thankful for what I am learning along the way. Even though it is not fun.. but I have come to realize, life is full of these kinds of things. Things that are hard........ things that will hopefully make me a better person and stronger in the end. At least that is what I am praying for....

enough of that- 2 days until we leave for one of my favorite places ever!! The girls are packed and driving me literally nuts!

vacation is coming.. thank the good Lord! :)

This last week, I took my girls to VBS at the baptist church where I grew up and where I gave my life to Christ and was baptized. I felt myself almost having to hold back tears as I took them there on their first day. Partly because I was nervous for them walking into a place to spend more than 3 hrs a day not knowing anyone, and also because I am so incredibly thankful for that place and the memories I have there are good. The building seems so much smaller than it seemed to me as a kid. I guess that is always how things seem to end up. I saw a few faces I knew from way back then and my kids had a blast. They loved it. I am so proud of them. They are homeschooled, you know, and not often have to go into a situation like that while not knowing anybody. It proved to me that no matter what some have said to me about their social skills, I, as their mom, know they are okay. I am proud of that and have worked harder than most know, to make sure they are okay in that area. They last day ended with a program at night and a carnival. My kids got on stage, singing several songs and dancing around. The message of the week was to spread the news and they have already done that to the neighbor girl. My kids make me smile.
Now we have a week until the girls and I leave for vacation with my folks. I am so ready to just get away and lay by a pool and to see my kids happier than ever making memories. I have many great memories of vacations my parents would take me on.. Sunriver and Disneyland. No wonder those two places totally make me smile even today :) This will be the first time in Sunriver that we will be without the Manns and it is going to stink without them.. but I know somehow we will all manage to have a a good time. So now for the next few days, I get to try and entertain my kids enough to keep them from going crazy since they are so pumped!
6 days and counting..........

There are just some days when the only thing on my mind is ... come quickly Jesus. Come quickly. Today is one of those days. I think that is how everyday should be though. Life is hard even though it is good and amazing... I am thankful this is not my home.

Here is my me and my friend Shannon after we did our 4th of July 5K. This was her very first race! :)

Summertime......

I ran my third 5K on July 4th. I ran it in just a few seconds over 37 minutes... yes, I am a slow runner but I made it running the entire time and I beat my last time! I looked back on the websites of my last few races and finally got my times written down. I ran my first one in 41:59 and my second in 39:26. Those times are not great but the fact that I am getting better each time makes me happy and is my goal. Running a race to win will never by my thing. My goal is always to finish without having to walk. Slow and steady wins it for me baby!

So, there is much going on in my head these days. I am going to focus this blog now on my two girls. I have received a few compliments this week on how well behaved my kids are and how normal they are and social they are and how they break those "homeschooling" stereotypes. Those kinds of things make me happy to hear as I have been feeling like a failure as a mom lately. I am proud of my kids and for the gains that they have made. Nevaeh is totally coming out of her shell and literally has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She always considers others above herself. I hope she stays like that because selfish people bug the crap out of me.
Speaking of selfishness, Jesslyn is coming out of her selfish stage. She still has her moments but she is getting way better at considering others and at not being so difficult. She makes me laugh. She dances really funny and now that her two top teeth are gone she is the cutest thing ever and even has a little lisp. She also is loving riding her scooter with the neighbor girl. Jesslyn is social- she loves her little neighbor girl friend coming over to play.

So to my two beautiful girls: let's keep learning, growing, pushing through our fears, becoming better people who love Jesus and love others above ourselves. Let's have fun this summer.. making memories of the days when you did not have to do math problems or worry about spelling words. I think we have had fun so far. Lots of swimming and laughing with friends and definitely too much candy eating has been taking place :) I look forward to the summer days ahead and I hope to make it fun and memorable for you before those school books start showing up in the mail and before I have to go buy pencils and notebooks. Let's eat as many popsicles as we want, take a trip to the beach, sleep in as late as we want and stay up late playing outside. I love you girls. I love summer. I love being a mom.

I have too much going on in my head these days. I am in the mode of feeling like I can't do anything right and that I am a failure on so many levels. I am trying to listen to God's word and to remember what He says about me and what His promises are but sometimes outside voices and opinions get the best of me. UGH.

I just signed up for another 5K. It is for this coming up Monday, which is July 4th. This will be exactly a year from when I did my first 5K. I am completely certain that I will be beating my time of my first race. I am still not the fastest runner on the block but I have come a long ways.. thank goodness. My whole motto is- just stay steady and slow and do whatever you have to do to not walk! Which brings me to another point... I ran this race with a friend of mine named Katie. She is a girl whom I met while working a few hours at a daycare. We started talking and then became friends and she soon started come to church where I had been attending. We would often meet for dinner- always at the mall for some Chinese and we even went together to get our noses pierced. She even watched my girls for me one night so that Joel and I could attend a Trader Joe's party. That was a huge favor to ask and I am so thankful she was able to do that for me. She has a huge heart. She is madly in love with her husband and her Jesus. I am writing this tonight super sad for her and her husband. After being so excited to finally become pregnant, they delivered their sweet baby girl yesterday but because of news already given by the docs months ago, they knew sweet baby girl would only live a short time. She passed away after just 45 minutes. I can't imagine the pain they must feel. I don't get why these kinds of things have to happen. It is so painfully heartbreaking. So even though Katie and Josh may likely never read this, I want them to know how amazing I think they are and that I admire their strength, their courage, their commitment and love to each other, and I without a doubt know that they will make it through this sad time stronger and more dependent upon Jesus and the strength only He can give. Katie, you are a sweet friend. You are going to encourage many people through the years because of walking through this. You will be used in great ways to show God's love and grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxoxo

Thankful...... *my word for the year*

Nevaeh finally finished her math today! So thankful for a break coming our way. Jesslyn has just a few lessons left in her reading and then after that it is time to just have some fun!

So I have been thinking a lot this week. I am thankful for so much. I know I have said this many many times before, but I am so thankful to be by my family. The last few days I have spent time with some dear friends of mine who I count as family. They have always been there for me and truly love me and my family. They give me good advice and are always around for some good laughs and memories. I am thankful for them and thankful that my girls can be around them too. It means the world to me.

Tomorrow is our 12th anniversary. 12 years... beating the odds and making it through many good times and also some bad. I look back on the 12 years and they have been far from perfect, but they have been good. I am a better person today and have learned so much about Jesus through my marriage. I pray that I will take each and every day in this 12th year and make it an opportunity to be the best I can be as a wife and mother. To love better than I ever have and to grow into the person that Christ has called me to become. Our friends wrote a song for us and sang it at our wedding and the words could not be more perfect- through the good and the bad, we'll always make it through cause I know God sent me to you.
I am thankful.. oh so thankful. Thankful for God's hand and God's grace upon my marriage. Thankful we have not been another statistic. Thankful that my kids can go to bed with a daddy around. Thankful... thankful.... thankful. I think that is my word of the year. I am truly THANKFUL.


On a side note- Nevaeh and Jesslyn can each successfully make it all the way across on the monkey bars at the park. This is a big deal and they are pretty proud of it!

The day started out great.. a three mile run at a new place I have not ran yet. (it is so nice to change it up!) and then a Dutch Bros coffee .... mmmmm... and then a great chat with Joel. He is off today and we had a great talk.. just talking about things and life which is what every couple should do and do often. Even though we may not always see eye to eye, it is so good to hear each other out and to talk to each other about important things. Today I am beyond thankful for this.

So, now I am in the midst of school work with the kids.. just a few days left!! yay! My dad is getting off this afternoon and keeping the girls for the rest of the day so that Joel and I can head to Portland. We are meeting up with a friend.. looking forward to it. Can I just say again, I am SO thankful to live by family and to live by family who cares about spending time with my girls. Makes my heart so happy! Everyone wins!

Cha Ching!

Some things literally make me so CRAZY irritated!

On another note, I went in to get my oil changed today. Sign outside Jiffy Lube said Oil Change $19.99... and I walked out the door spending almost $200. WHAT?! I do have to say though, that place is great. Those men treat ladies so nice. I had every door opened for me and had about three of them helping me out and explaining things to me... that right there might just be worth the money :) It also is nice to drive out knowing that my car is good to go! I love my car and hope to drive it forever!

"the talk" or at least one of them....

I am not sure what inspired this.. maybe the zits on my face reminding me of puberty or what but I randomly and spontaneously gave Nevaeh the speech today about what happens to her body as she gets older. Jesslyn was in the room too and we talked about all kinds of things. They giggled and got grossed out a few times but I told them over and over again what an amazing thing that God has done by making their bodies perfect and to work properly for all the important reasons- the main one being that someday they will get to be mommies too. They handled it so well and Nevaeh does not even seem freaked out at all. I assured her that I want her to be able to come to me with questions and concerns and I hope that line of communication will always be open so that she feels that she can come to me. I am not sure what Jesslyn thought of the conversation but at one point she said that she did not want to be a mommy because she heard it hurts. ;) So, I am honestly glad that we had that talk.. now we have the other important "talk" to give. I know it needs to happen soon. All of those whom I trust have been saying to tell your kids about sex around the age of ten... Nevaeh will be ten in two weeks. I guess the talk needs to happen soon. I do know one thing, we are going to be a family that talks about things.. this is for sure. I can't stand to see families ignoring the obvious or sweeping things under the rug or just plain keeping the talk on such a shallow level. I am determined that our house will be filled with constant conversation- talking about things that matter and not just who won the NBA championship. There are much more important things in life to talk about :)

I woke up this morning to two huge zits on my face.. what am I ... 13 again! ouch.

So, we have 5 more lessons of math to get thru and we are done for summer. Jesslyn has a few lessons left in her reading program but then we are good to go. It is so cute to see her read. She is doing well and loves it. Thank goodness since Nevaeh hated it more than anything in life! Not sure how we will spend our days once school is over. Probably many many many trips to the park and hopefully a few bigger trips in between. I am hoping to take them to the beach for a few days at least. They are pretty easy and happy with the little things though so that is good :)

On another note, I have found a coffee place I adore more than Starbucks. Not that Starbucks was ever really much to shout about for me but I have been hitting Dutch Bros instead. I do not get myself a coffee very often, in fact my coffee drinking has been cut way down lately due to me feeling the need to seriously cut down my caffeine intake. I order the Kicker drink which has Irish Creme in it. SO yummy and the prices beat Starbucks. :)

Time to go now... we must power out some of these math lessons. We are doing fractions.. renaming, reducing, and what ever else you do with fractions. I am thankful that it all comes really naturally to Nevaeh. She often gets the answer before I am even done explaining it. Yay for me!

I want so badly to take a trip. A fun trip.. I wish we had a trip to Sunriver planned.. Actually, speaking of wishes I have many wishes. Many. I would also love to take the kids back to Disneyland and am hoping to do that in the next few years again. I feel as though we do not take enough fun trips and I wish we did. Our trips always were coming out to visit WA so now that we are out here I am hoping we can plan some fun trips. Hawaii? :)

We have just a few lessons left and our school year will take a break! I am looking forward to it and so are the kids of course. Nevaeh wanted to do 5 math lessons each day so she can just be done! I don't think we will be doing that but I am thinking that a couple a day might be possible. I am not sure what the summer will hold other than making sure we keep reading. I am hoping for many days out in the boat... it is one of my favorite things.

So my training to run a half marathon is going well. It is so weird that 3 miles now is my "short distance" run. Who would have ever thought? Not me!

Interesting week indeed. I have many things I am praying about and have many promises I believe I am going to see come to pass. Hopefully sooner than later. My heart is hopeful and full of joy that can only come from one place. Thank you Jesus for your hope, your unfailing love, and for loving me even though you knew me.

Hillsong - Stronger - With Subtitles/Lyrics

This song is in my heart this morning. I am thankful for love that never fails. God is good to me.

Since Osama Bin Laden has died, many have posted things about how we should not be rejoicing in this. I understand the point here a little bit. Yes it is sad he chose the evil path he did.. but as I was reading the story of David and Goliath to my kids.. I realized why I have no hesitation in being happy that this man has been put to death. Here is the little bit from their Bible-

"When the Philistines saw Goliath was dead, they ran away. And when God's people saw them running away, they CHEERED. God had saved His people. David was a hero!"

They cheered. They did not mourn and worry about his man and his soul. They cheered. They had been delivered and rescued from this bad man who mocked them and God. He would shout and call them names and he wanted to harm them. Much like Bin Laden. He hated God's people. He wanted to kill and destroy them. Not one moment will I feel sorry for this man.

Danny Gokey - I Will Not Say Goodbye

A friend of mine told me about this song. As I have been thinking about dear people who have lost loved ones.. this song is so great. The lyrics are good and real. So many people have to walk down this road and it is so painful. I think sometimes that songs can convey thoughts and feelings like nothing else.

DONE!

I forgot to post the most important news of all. Our house sold. DONE. No longer ours! No longer home owners. No more waiting and waiting for it all to come together! No more ties to KY. No more stress and emails and phone calls and showings! I am so glad. So thankful. So relieved. So amazed and now it is time to CELEBRATE! Oh and now it is time to figure out where to live... but I have to admit I am not in a huge hurry :)

happy.....

What a fantastic weekend. I started my Saturday morning with a 4 mile run. (I have signed up with my dear childhood friend to run a half marathon in Oct). Yes, I am crazy! So, I am now stuck to this running schedule. I ran it so well though and it felt so good. I am exciting for this training because it will be such an accomplishment for me. I am also hoping it makes my butt smaller in the process!
Then I met some of my favorite people for lunch. So nice to catch up and chat and it was at the Cow Deli. One of my favorite places to eat here in Longview. I sat there with my two friends, still amazed that I am living by family and friends again. I feel too blessed. I will forever be thankful for this move and that the door opened for us to come this way again. That evening, we went to dinner at a friends house and the kids played well and the adult conversation was fun and full of laughter. These kinds of things make my heart full and happy. The weekend ended with a Sunday nap and then church at Elevate last night. I am thankful for this church and thankful for the worship and the preaching. I always leave challenged. I also leave with a full happy heart as I see my kids playing with friends and my husband laughing and catching up with old friends. God knew my hearts desires for the last year and I believe He has answered those. I will forever thank Him and be grateful.
So now I sit here on Monday morning. The school books are ready and waiting, the laundry and dishwasher are going, the kids are finishing breakfast and I am able to get a few things done before the day can really begin. I love to take a slow morning on Monday- to get my things done and out of the way. My kids love it too because this means they can watch a few cartoons before the tv goes off for the day.
So, I write this on this cloudy morning, completely in awe and thankful for where I am. By family and friends. I miss many back in KY and hope to see them at some point on this earth again, but I know without a doubt that this is where we are to be at this moment. My heart is happy and my cup runs over.

Jesus Culture - One Thing Remains

We sang this last night at church. It is in my head this morning. Love the lyrics. All love on this earth fails us but His love does not.

This verse seems so fitting for today and for all the people I know who are carrying loads too hard and far too unfair to have to try and carry alone.

In His time.....

I just got the official phone call. The buyer has all her papers in and her money and now everything should be smooth sailing! I should found out shortly the "official" closing date which my realtor's assistant said she is pushing to have happen asap.. like as in tomorrow! I am so thankful. This was not my plan or my first choice at all.. closing in February would have been amazing and would have been better financially, but I am still so thankful and am sure that this was just God's perfect plan and timing. Joel flies out early tomorrow so it was perfect that he did not have to move a few times or feel as though he was intruding on some people. It is so good to know that he can leave KY and not have to look back because of the house. It is so nice to feel like that part of worry will be over with. So thankful. His timing may not be ours but I must trust and believe that it is perfect!

I told the girls we would do something special once the house is no longer ours... something small but fun. They suggested everyone gets to eat a Dilly bar from Dairy Queen. I suggested we get an entire ice cream cake from DQ and really celebrate! :) wow do we know how to party.

Phil Wickham - "Messiah" (Live)

I write this morning with a very broken heart. Please go to rockstarronan.com and follow this story of such an amazing and brave little boy. I believe in miracles and will continue to pray for one for this family, believing that a miracle can happen. I write this with so many feelings. I want to love better, hug my loved ones tighter and live life better and to the fullest. I get so caught up in stupid things and thinking and worrying about dumb things that really do not matter. I hope that this can be a lesson I remember everyday. To love better and to spend more time on important things. Things that really matter. Things that matter in eternity and not just for the moment. This sweet family is walking a rode in life that is unfair and is so hard. Harder than I can even wrap my little brain around. Please pray with me for this family.

Also, I woke up to reading mass stories on the destruction in the south of all the tornadoes that killed numbers in the 100's. Again, these people are walking a rode I have never had to walk and have no idea how I would except with the grace of God. It is so easy to not think much about it when it doesn't directly impact you.. but these people are on my heart this morning and I will be keeping these people in my prayers. Also, Dave Wilkerson, a well-known pastor died yesterday in a car wreck. There is so much pain and sadness in the world today. Makes me thankful for hope in Jesus. I would be lost without that.

While reading my bible this morning and having some quiet time by myself (which is priceless to me) I kept singing Phil Wickham's song Messiah.

Messiah. Messiah. Messiah, save us. You are our only hope. You are our only hope. You are our only hope. Messiah. Messiah. Messiah, save us.

I feel as though this is a perfect song for today.

Beat to a different drum.....

Since living here in WA, my girls and I have been able to get involved in a co-op for homeschoolers. I have never ever in my life been a fan of co-ops, and actually I tend to run and hide from the thought of them but I love this one and my kids love it too. I have met many wonderful women who are inspiring to me as they walk through the journey that is homeschooling. I look at the sacrifices they make as a family. Living on one income, passing up many material things just in order to offer their kids education at home and to follow their dreams to teach their children. I think it is so easy for us to look at families and see them in their big houses, taking huge vacations, getting caught up in what society tells us our kids should get caught up in, etc and to think that that is what makes a family happy and healthy. While all those things are fine, I have to say that they are not the things that matter to me anymore. I love nice things, and want nice things for my family but I also want to remember what is important. To know and remember that if I can hand my kids everything they want materially, and not give them anything else, what good am I as a mother? I just see these women working hard, loving their kids, keeping their homes in order, and making a happy home even if it doesn't look like it fits up to the standards of the families around them. As I go to this co-op, I am always reminded that homeschoolers are different and I embrace that difference full on. I love it and actually have come to thrive off of it. I want to think outside the box for my kids and want the best for them. I want their hearts most of all to be pure and right. I want more for them than what society can offer. I want them to follow their call on their lives and dream big and to love others and to love Jesus.

I love good conversation. Tonight after dinner, my mom and dad and I sat for a few minutes and just discussed church and scripture. I love that. I love that my dad grabbed his Bible, read a few verses and then we talked about it. We often talk about church and things that are I guess what you could call spiritual, but it often ends with us realizing we are jaded and a bit cynical. I really am all of these things. I just feel that there is so much junk out there and it is scary and sometimes discouraging.


On another note, I ran almost 5 miles the other day. I usually do around 2-3 and have ran over 6 before but it was a sunny day and I just felt like pushing myself and it felt so good. I was so proud of myself and my pace is getting a little better finally! :) I still can't believe I am a runner and that I actually love it!

I just cannot seem to believe the amount of people I know that are really dealing with some painful hardships right now. It seems to be endless and I wish I could take away the pain for these people. I know it is all a part of living life in this world. We have to deal with disease, pain, suffering, hardships, etc... but it is hard when these things hit close to home. I guess it puts everything into perspective. Life is short and life is hard. I guess it makes sense to make the most of it and to not waste any moment.

On a side note, I have to say that it is so nice to be surrounded by people who are not crazy. I met some great people in KY but when it came to church, I had a hard time with what some people around me believed or were "into". I love that there is nothing weird or that there is no psycho babble with the people that I am surrounded with. I love that I can trust those around me and that I don't have to second guess what I am being taught or what advise I am given. It is a relief. These people around me just keep it simple and aren't chasing the next great feeling or the next big teaching. I am thankful for this.

I took the girls to the library today to get them library cards. They were so pumped to check out some things under their own names :) makes this homeschool mother happy to see them pumped up about reading!

pain

I am feeling a heavy heart for many of my dear friends today. There are so many I know that are facing some very difficult things right now. Things that are devastating and life changing and depressing. It makes my heart literally hurt and makes me wish that I could take away the pain for people. I realize that this world is not perfect and there will always be pain.... but it is so awful to see people have to face things with no other choice. I am vowing to each of my friends facing these things that I will stand with them and hold them up in prayer daily and that my mind is thinking of them and pulling for them to receive peace and miracles through their situations.

tears in my imaginary m&ms

Crying a lot of tears of frustration today and blogging about it only because I have no other way of an outlet at the moment. I am tired. Worn out and tired of being strong. I want to scream, beat my fists at someone and eat an entire bag of M&M's but only if they are peanut butter. I am trying to be a Proverbs 31 woman and trying to bite my tongue and keep it together. Instead, naughty words are filling my head, my blood pressure is probably thru the roof and my kids are currently being ignored because my mind is so fogged. They keep coming up to me, asking me why I am crying and begging to go to the dollar store. I shew them away while giving them only a silly response as to why I am crying. I just tell them I am angry. I guess that is pretty much the truth. I am angry.
It is hard to keep trusting and hard to stay positive all the time. I try my best but days like today I feel very defeated. Then I overthink these stupid thoughts and then my world really becomes a mess.
Thank you blogger.com for being there when no one else is there for me to vent to or when I am too ashamed to vent because in the scheme of life my venting has no grounds. I am totally a dork who blogs when I am mad but sometimes it totally makes me feel better. Now I do feel better but unfortunately it is one of those annoying days where the tears are going to have a mind of their own and keep flowing even though I am over it. Oh how I hate that. I am convinced that is part of the curse of sin!

So, now that this entry is nearing the end, I feel better but my head is pounding, the tears have wet my entire face and dropped on my shirt and my mouth is still watering for peanut butter M&M's that I do not have and cannot eat. SIGH.

YAHOOOOOO!!!!!!

A lot has happened since I last wrote. First and most important!!!!....... Our house is in a contract again! I am not sure how much I have blogged about this so here goes- we have been waiting for our buyers financing to come through and it finally has! We are so pumped and excited and thankful. She was the only one on the list to receive those funds and the funds came three weeks sooner than expected. It has been quite a ride but I know that God has a plan and His timing is perfect. I am so thankful that there are not even enough words for me to explain how I feel. AND Joel is coming out at the end of April! There is a light at the end of this tunnel! :)


Also, we went to my cousins last night. We discussed education and it was so comforting to have family members affirm to me that they stood behind my choice to homeschool. I am thankful for family that cares, understands and simply trusts that Joel and I are making the choice that is right for our family and not just giving us all their narrow minded reasons about why we should not. A homeschool mother always needs that encouragement. Always.


I am so so so thankful today. I feel as though I have so much to shout about. So much to be thankful for. So much to think about and to hold tight to. God truly is good all of the time.

and this is why Rob Bell is completely missing the mark here. I am starting to feel that that man has no idea what he really believes. He has asked too many questions in his lifetime which would be fine if he actually had some answers. Thank you Mark Driscoll for speaking truth even if the truth is very painful. The truth usually is.

Praise the Lord our taxes are done!

I accomplished a lot today. New drivers license, new plates for my car, taxes signed and done.... and I even managed to school my children and get a run in the mix! It was a beautiful day. Nice and sunny and actually felt pretty warm. Jesslyn said it felt like summer!

We got to ichat with daddy tonight. It has been many weeks since we have seen him and we miss him terribly. We are in good hands here with my parents and we are having fun but there is no one who can take the place of daddy. Nevaeh especially. She is one who really needs her daddy around. She keeps talking about him and thinking about him and praying for the months to pass by quickly before he gets here.

We miss you daddy! xoxoxoxo

When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.
Psalm 94:19

I came across this verse yesterday and it was perfect for me to read. My thoughts are often anxious and they seem to multiply inside my head and turn into irrational thoughts of needless worry. I need to cling to this.

blah

Today was one of those days that I hate. I had some calls to take care of and some things to get done and some bills to pay. It was one of those days that seem to get away from me. Days where I feel distracted from my kids and unable to focus on things. My mind is scattered and my thoughts are everywhere. I feel anxious and feel like I want to fix things that are out of my hands. I want our house to finalize and for our life in Kentucky to come to a close. I want to no longer owe KY tax money .. I just want to put that state behind me. It was good to us in so many ways yet so frustrating in so many others.
We managed to get schoolwork done today. Often on these kind of days, it is tricky to even get some schoolwork done. I am glad that we at least did that. So, now I need to calm down, let go of things that I cannot control, and let God do His thing. I hate feeling anxious and I know that I need to knock it off.

Dear Daughters,

To my Nevaeh and Jesslyn,

I am so thankful to be your mother. I love each of you and am thankful for the unique personality that each of you has and for the special way that God has made both of you. I know I will never be perfect but trust me when I say that I am trying my best, in my own human helpless state, to be the best mom that I can to both of you. I want good for you. I want your hearts to be pure. I want you to make wise choices and to come to me for advice if you are not so sure what choice to make. I want you to be honest, hard working, and I want you to grow up to be strong women who fear God. I want you to follow your dreams and to accomplish the things and desires that God has put into your heart. I want you to cherish family. To respect your elders, to put others first, to enjoy life to the fullest.... to be full of joy and peace and to share your joy with others. I want you to not settle. To always live by your convictions. To know what you want and stand by what you believe. I want you to not follow the norm, to be your own person, to stand firm in who you are, to love the body that God gave you and to honor your body in all you do. I want you to seek God in your life, to treasure His word in your heart and to never give up. I know that God has big plans for you and I can't wait to see what those are someday. I love both of you..... and am often amazed at how blessed I am to be a mother.

Love,
Mommy

I am going to get our taxes done today. For many of you, you already know without me even saying it how excited I am when the word taxes is mentioned.. actually, it makes my stomach hurt and the thought of it makes me want to crawl under a rock for awhile. I am hoping that all of our past tax issues are now taken care of and I am really thankful that we will be out of KY and will no longer have to worry about making estimated taxes. That is the pits.

After I get the taxes done, I am going to meet my friend Rana for dinner tonight in Vancouver. I have seen her a few times since I have been home now but tonight we will be able to catch up on life. I am really looking forward to it. Plus, no kids... have I mentioned how great it is to have my parents around. I was able to run yesterday because my dad was around to watch the girls. It is fabulous!

My girls are really wanting to start making a little money helping out around the house.. well, grandmas house :) they cleaned their room this morning and have been picking up things all over the house. They are asking that I give them $2 a week each for them to keep up daily with making their bed and getting things picked up. Sounds like a deal to me. I know this is something that we should have started a long time ago .. to also incorporate the importance of money, how it works, how it is important to save some and all the other things that go along with money. A lot of lessons about money I am still learning myself.

Anyways, Happy St Patrick's Day. Jesslyn has already pinched me twice! I better get my green on!

The controversy

With all of the Rob Bell controversy going on today, there are many things that I could write, many feelings that stir up inside of me about the Emergent Church... but I listened to a clip today by John Piper about the Emergent church and it hit the nail on the head for me. He explained how dangerous it is to focus more on relationships than on truth. I am turned off by the lovey dovey touchy feely weird relationships that people have with one another. We focus so much on relationships and making people feel good and fuzzy inside that we often tend to ignore truth. Truth is truth. You either accept it or not. We are afraid to say something is absolute for fear of hurting someone. We must believe that the Bible is absolute truth. Piper hit in on the head and I hope he is right. I hope the Emergent church will not be around in ten years.

Tonight I was able to ichat with Joel. I have not seen him in over a month and it was nice for the kids and I to be able to see his face. We all are having a great time here with family but I know the girls are really missing him.

Today was a good day. We finished up school and then I headed to the lake for a run. It began to rain a bit and it felt so good. I think I might actually enjoy running in the rain. It does my heart good.

Why oh why do people call Jesus or God or whoever Papa. Drives me crazy. Papa? Really?!

I have figured out why I like Mark Driscoll. There are many reasons.... but ultimately, I am convinced that it is because he is not a pansy and he takes his job seriously. He is not afraid to call out those who are teaching dangerously. I love that. I hate when pastors do not take their jobs seriously and just let anything be taught or said or they don't step in to protect their sheep. It ticks me off. Thank you Driscoll, for stepping on toes, and for calling things out, and for taking your job seriously.

Birthdays!

Jesslyn turned 6 yesterday. I love that kid. She can often be difficult but she adds so much fun to our family.

Today I turned 34. Just a few more years and then 40?! yikes.

My mom took my girls shopping and they bought me gum, mentos, earrings, and a DVD of the Best of the Cosby Show for my birthday. Perfect gifts. They were so excited to see me open them and begged me all day to actually sit down and open the presents. Only thing missing today is daddy. We are surviving but wish he was around to celebrate with us!

Heritage....

I am not sure if this is all happening because I have a birthday quickly approaching, or if it is because I am now back in my hometown, or if this is just a natural progression in a persons life, but I have been reflecting a lot lately. I am starting to refocus and am feeling an extreme sense of getting my house in order. Not physical house, since I no longer have that, but in a sense of family, in raising my kids, and how I want that all to look. I am realizing and reflecting back on my childhood so much lately. I am beyond thankful for my parents my aunts and uncles, my cousins and for the rich heritage I have been raised with. This is actually overwhelming me lately. The goodness of God on my life because of my rich heritage. Talking about this brings me to tears and reminds me of His blessings and His goodness and hand on my life. We headed to my aunts last night for dinner and while we were there, we looked through old pics from 1986 of us all going to Sunriver and Disneyland. I love that my family was big and that we all did these fun trips together. As the night went on at my aunts, we talked about church, theology, stuff that is messed up in the church today and the weird and whacked out teachings that take place in churches today. I realized that my strong opinions and strong feelings for such nonsense comes from my family. I was raised to know better and to fear being deceived. I am thankful for a rock solid family.. filled with people who are strong in what they know and do not run to the next thought or book to the next new thing or feeling. I now know why I have sat in some of these classes where 'crap' is being taught, and it makes my skin crawl. I come by it honestly and I cannot just sit and jump on the next bandwagon with the rest of them. It is just not in me. All that to say, I want this for my kids. I want them to be rock solid. To know what they believe, to have family that stands with them and believes in them and prays for them. To have a foundation that is strong, that will never leave them. I pray for this daily.
As we left my aunts, my aunt prayed over Joel and I and for the process of our house to finalize. She encouraged me to trust and to thank Him for what He has done in Joel and I. God, am I thankful for my family and my heritage. My cup runs over... and over... and over.

Please Forgive Me - Jason Crabb, Michael English

LOVE this guys voice. Love this song. Love this video. Talk about humbling and what we should all act like.

PS- the singers in this room are amazing and flawless. No voice in secular music can even compare.

PEACE

I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free.

I am learning and trying to keep it at the top of my mind that having peace is priceless. True joy cannot be bought. Peace is such a great feeling. To be able to know true peace... there is nothing that can take its place.

Love these lyrics.. wish I always followed this.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

Oh Boy

You know you are totally jaded when Charlie Sheen's recent behavior does not phase you. This is where I am at in life. The news is talking all about it. So, the man is saying stupid things and he is boasting about living with women who don't judge him. Of course they do not, they get to live with a millionaire and have all time access to cocaine and sex. Why would they leave? I am kind of sad that nothing shocks me anymore.

Here are a few pics from our Disneyland trip. What a fantastic few days we had walking around the parks. Joel and I literally took a walk down memory lane being there on Main Street. So great. We spent three days there, going back and forth from park to park. Nevaeh's favorite ride was Soaring over California and Jesslyn's favorite ride was It's a Small World. We had a great time and made many great memories that I hope my kids remember forever. I am thankful for the trip and thankful we were able to make it happen. I went often as a kid so it was nice to have my kids get to experience the same thing I used to so many years ago. We also ate breakfast at Chicken Dinner Restaurant at Knott's Berry Farm which was a restaurant that Joel and I used to go to as kids. The girls were so pumped to eat fried chicken and eggs for breakfast. On the last day at the park, the kids were tired so Joel took them back to the hotel for a bit. I did not want to leave so I spent the rest of the day in the park by myself. It was FANTASTIC. I sat and drank coffee and had a Mickey ear shaped rice crispy treat on Main Street. I sat and watched people walking by and then did some riding and shopping by myself. I have to say, it was awesome and I would do that again in a heartbeat. I was there so long that Joel texted me wondering if I was ever coming back. I think I could have stayed there forever :)

Life

I attended a funeral today. I did not know the man well but know many of his family members. I found myself fighting tears and feeling the joy and sadness that the rest of the family was feeling today. As old hymns were sung, I felt tears beginning to roll down my cheeks. There is something about those old songs that get me every time. I sat there listening to the family talk about there fond memories and began to think about what I hope people might say about me when I pass on. I also looked as the grandkids participated and sang of the hope of Jesus that one has when facing death. It totally touches me and makes me want more than anything to leave that kind of legacy for my family. To pass on to my kids what is really important and to hope that they cherish life and live it for Jesus.It was time for me to really think about what is important and how life is just a vapor but eternity is forever.
This funeral was just what I needed today. I needed that reminder. There are things that literally have been eating at me lately. Things that really irritate me, things that I wish I could change, things that I find so incredibly unfair to those I love..... but I realized that those things that have really been eating at me are stupid and a complete waste of my time. I am wasting time. I have been giving too much thought and time to things that do not matter on this side of life and I am hoping to get better at this.. to stop wasting precious time. Time is precious because life is short. I want to live a good life. Not a life filled with material things but a GOOD life. A life that really matters.

Like the great John Piper says-"It is better to lose your life than to waste it."

just a few things going on with me....

* I am officially a west coaster again.
* I am trying to cut out caffeine.. at least some of it. I am way too addicted.
* I am having a hard time getting into life. Still wishing I was on vacation.
* I love having my parents around for my kids.
* I miss my sister's family.
* I am ready for the house to be completely done... with all papers signed.
* I am watching the news right now and it is frightening.
* I have not ran since Arizona and I have little energy. I need to have some running in my life asap.
* I do want to see the Justin Beiber movie... yes, I really do.
* I feel as though Nevaeh has grown up overnight.
* I now realize why I think how I think. It is the Carns in me.
* I am praying that God will direct us in our next steps... where exactly to live and where specifically to begin our new life.
* I also have many other things on my prayer list. Things that are burning in my heart to change.

Superbowl... I love football but not really into it this year.

I am tired this morning.
I feel as though I have a lot on my mind.... so many things floating in my head. Some serious, some random.
I am ready for the new adventure we are about to embark upon.
I am ready to head to California. I have not been there in quite some time and am looking forward to being there. DISNEYLAND!
I am glad that we will have some time with just the girls to have a family vacation. Much needed.
I am looking forward to seeing my parents. It has been too many months.
I am noticing that Jesslyn talks a lot. She asks me questions all day long. Some random and some deep.
I am going to make sure we eat at In and Out one more time while on this trip!

First leg of the trip was a success!

We made it to Arizona... what an amazing roadtrip. We made it one day earlier than we had planned. The kids did amazingly awesome and Joel drove the entire time.. while I slept :)
We began our journey leaving KY and stayed our first night in Springfield MO. Then the next night we made it to Albuquerque and then made it to AZ the next day. We stopped at the steakhouse in TX where Man Vs Food has filmed before and also saw the Cadillac Ranch! So fun. I would take another roadtrip in a heartbeat. Oh wait, I get to do it again next week! So, our time here in AZ has been good so far. We have a few days left then we will be on to Cali! Wahoo! Pics and videos will come later when I feel like uploading them!

We leave for our vacation/moving trip in just 5 days. I think I am almost ready. Trying to make sure every little thing is done. I can't wait to be with Joel and the girls... driving through some states. Many memories to be made.

Last night I had dinner with two close friends. We ate great food and laughed and talked.. and they both had very special gifts for me. I will cherish these gifts but even more cherish these women. Both hold special places in my heart. I am so fortunate to have been many places to meet many amazing people. People with amazing stories and views of life. People who have lived all over the world and have experienced so much. I am thankful for who God has placed in my life. Even if those relationships will soon just be through the phone or facebook, I count myself extremely blessed.

SNOW?!

I just heard snow is coming our way. I usually welcome this with open arms and a pot of coffee but I do not have time for snow. I have a dinner date with two very important ladies on Thursday and if snow interrupts this... I am not going to be happy. That's all.

I have a high school friend who lost her husband last night due to a heart attack. It breaks my heart. He was too young and is leaving behind a wife and children. It just does not seem right. I hate it and cannot imagine the pain they will go through.

That being said, I feel that this is another reminder of what is important. Loving and taking in every moment. Living life not consumed with silliness but living it to love others. It makes me so thankful for Joel.. my kids... my family, etc. We always think that these things can never happen to us when in fact we all can face these things at any moment in time. I know we cannot live in fear. We must trust. We must love and hug on our families more.

On another note, I had coffee with a dear lady today. We do not see each other often but she is a woman that I look up to. Someone I would go to for advice. Someone I would go to to seek wisdom. Her husband also reminds me of my dad in many ways. Again, I am thankful to have people like this in my life.

Hug on those you love today. Then do it more every day.

Good, so good.

I feel as thought I am on top of the world today. We accomplished a lot of schoolwork today, Joel and I got to chat together this morning (which does not usually happen), and plans are just all falling into place. I am amazed. I am joyful. I am looking forward to the future. I feel rich. Not in the sense of the word rich in worldly terms, but rich because of my kids, my husband, those that love me, health, and love from God. I love how God has placed awesome people in my life. People that challenge me to be better. I love that the joy that I feel is not always determined by my circumstances. It is being able to look at anything.. good or bad and to be able to truly say.. "it is well with my soul."

another post.. told you lots on my mind

I love music. All kinds. All people.. fast slow loud quiet- you name it, for the most part, I like it. It makes you feel things.. happy sad, joyful, mad, irritated, etc. It is powerful.
I love it and am glad my kids love it too. that's all.

My heart is heavy today.... lots on my mind.

I have a lot on my mind today. Good things and things that make my blood boil. I realize we all stay stupid things, we speak when we should not, we are hypocritical and often find it hard to look at ourselves objectively. My husband is pretty good at looking at things objectively so I am trying hard to learn this from him and to put it into practice. First off, Christians (and yes I proclaim to be one) are so stupid sometimes. They say the stupidest things and have no idea the damage those things can do. I understand we are to be a light but sometimes we can cause more damage. I hate to see this and I am certain I have been guilty of this at some points in my life. God forgive me. I need to love as you loved.
Second, I am amazed at the blame game going on with this guy who took several lives as he opened fire in a Safeway in AZ. Can we not just come together as a country even on this? Lives are lost and we want to blame talk radio? that would be like me blaming a song on the radio for something I did.. seriously I do not get it. We cannot look objectively anymore. It is all about right and left. I am not even a Palin fan at all but there is no way I could honestly blame her for this nut job who did these killings. No one in there right mind does things like that. It was his fault. He did it... he is crazy, No one MADE him do it. Can we just look back and see things like this without making them political? without making crazy accusations? I just do not get it. I hope to God that I am never so blinded by my side of politics and beliefs that I can not look at things objectively. I know it is hard and I know I am guilty but it just makes me sad. Let's come together. Right now.
Another thing, I am trying to sell things on Craigslist and I am about to lose my mind. I have never had this experience before. People cannot be trusted. They send me spam all the time and it is getting old. They keep sending me links to Obama giving me money. GRRRRRR. First off, I don't want his money (he has none to give) and it is bogus! STOP sending them to me!!!

what drives you nuts?

What drives you crazy? Here are a few things that drive me nuts.. and it's my blog so I can make that list!

- blameshifters. I get that we all do it to some extent- but seriously.. grow up and take responsibility for yourself. You are too old to say- "she made me do it."

- I can't stand it when people are fasting and post it all over facebook. No one wants to know... and it is a private thing.

-I am not a fan of hearing someone floss their teeth. The sound gets under my skin.

-I hate when I feel I have wasted a day. Or do I, because I have been doing it a lot lately.

- I also do not like how people CAPITALIZE random WORDS to prove a point and put 50 MILLION Exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (even though I often put more than I should.)

-I hate how laundry is never ever ever done. It always comes back.



I do love many things though... but just felt the urge to get those things that drive me nuts off my chest. :)

thank you Jesus!!

My theme song for the day... totally clinging to these words and thankful for His promises.


Thank You for Your kindness
Thank You for Your mercy
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the price You paid

Thank You for salvation
Thank You for unending grace
Thank You for Your hope
Thank You for this life You gave

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus

Thank You for Your promise
Thank You for Your favor
And thank You for Your love
And everything You've done for me

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You're alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
And all my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You're alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You're alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us
So let Your face shine on us
So let Your face shine on us

Happy News!

I am currently home alone while Joel took the girls to buy a soccer ball. It is in the middle of winter but it was sunny today. I think that they think it is going to be spring soon. Not even close guys! Anyways, today was a great day. I started it out with some quiet time, a workout , a shower and then school with the girls. Every time I gave them a break from school, I spent it praying and crying for Ronan, the little boy fighting cancer who had surgery today...... I am so happy to say that it was a success. Not sure of details as of now, but surgery went well. It is so cool to see everyone come together on facebook and to know that people all over the world are praying and fighting for that little boy. I love when good people come together and support each other. I also found out that some friends of mine who have been waiting and waiting to have a baby... found out that they are indeed pregnant. They are going to be great parents. I love days when I hear good news like this. It reminds me that as awful as the world is and how it seems bad news hits us left and right sometimes, God is still in control and is doing awesome things among us.

This is totally random but this is my blog and I just have to say it... I cannot stand it when people refer to God as daddy or dad. I realize He is our spiritual father but for some reason it just totally creeps me out.

Here is a picture of the Koch Family... good friends indeed.

Happy New Year!

It is a new year and it is about to get crazy for us. Lots going on.... a lot to be excited about. I am ready for the ride. I love how everyone loves new starts and loves the newness and freshness of a new year. Just a few of my goals for this year.....
love my kids more and deeper every day...
be a better and more loving wife.....
read the entire bible in a year.....
read more... (I read two books yesterday so I am off to a good start!)....
continue to run and run some more races!.....
learn to do some crafty things.....

there are many more things that I have in the back of mind to accomplish this year. I am looking forward to loving family, making memories most of all, and no going one single day without thanking Jesus for the many blessings in my life!